Earlier one evening, a friend came up to me to talk about her current dating situation. She has a date set up with one boy, and another asked her out for the next weekend. "Does that make me a slut?" she asked.
In the "real world," this situation presents itself on a daily basis and is called dating. Having a date might mean going out to an actual restaurant and a movie, rather than going to the Caf and Viking. A date doesn't necessarily make you someone's boyfriend or girlfriend, and you are allowed to casually date multiple people at the same time. Dating, as it exists in the real world, seems to be a rare practice on the Hill.
What makes St. Olaf so different from the real world? I've heard a couple theories, as well as come up with my own, so here goes.
Theory Number One: Relationships in such a residential community are put on fast-forward. In a non-college example of dating, you may go on a date, wait a weekend, then see each other again. Here, you likely see each other daily, in class, on Caf dates, around the dorm, etc., so the time it takes for you and your future boyfriend or girlfriend to get to know each other is significantly abbreviated.
So it seems that the time between your first date and the point in which you consider yourself "in a relationship" is normally shortened. This is great for anyone who likes to be in long-term relationships, but it essentially eliminates the window of opportunity for dating around. As a result, the campus is frequently plagued by a constant flow of short-lived but serious relationships.
Theory Number Two: Because it is difficult to get off campus, it is easier to stick to Caf dates. With only a small percentage of cars on campus, and off-campus transportation being a bit inconvenient and certainly not romantic, the idea of an off-campus date seem a daunting task to many Oles. Since most people I've talked to don't really consider a Caf date to be a real date, it seems logical why dating generally seems absent.
Theory Number Three: A surprising number of Oles feel the need to settle down right away because they find dating after college to be a frightening prospect. A few weeks ago, I had lunch with a single friend who had yet to have a serious relationship at college. She felt like she needed to meet someone soon because, as she put it, "How do you meet people after college?"
Theory Number Four: St Olaf seems to many as the ideal place to meet a future spouse. Since we all came to the same school - probably for similar reasons - there must be someone within the pool who was made for you. This may be one of the leading factors in the "ring by spring" phenomenon. As graduation nears, it seems that new engagement rings show up every week amongst the senior class.
Many girls I've talked to so far this year have felt under pressure to get engaged by the end of the year, almost as if they don't fit in if they don't have a ring on their finger. Whenever I hear statistics about the high number of Oles who marry other Oles, I always wonder how those marriages fare after college life.
So can any conclusion be drawn from these theories? From the students I talked with, I get the idea that there is a tendency toward two extremes: Those who jump right into relationships, and those who avoid dating altogether by trying casual sexual relationships, the kinds of "buddies" that I probably can't name in a college newspaper.
Friends with benefits can be great arrangements for those looking for mere sexual gratification. Be careful though - this can be as complicated as traditional relationships. Going in, it's crucial to set rules and stick to them. Things can get messy if one FWB steps outside the predetermined protocol.
All of these theories may make dating and relationships seem not worth trying, but in the end, there is certainly something or someone for everyone. Sometimes you just have to look - or date - around to find it.
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