Malt-O-Meal Perfumes

Lucky residents of Northfield, Minn. are blessed with the Malt-O-Meal manufacturing plant and have enjoyed the wafting aromas of cereal production for almost a century. But what if you could bottle your favorite hometown fragrances for anytime enjoyment? This year, private factory owner John Fort asks not "What if?" but "How soon?" Malt-O-Meal is now launching a line of factory-based fragrances for the upcoming year. The anticipated line targets the same all-American households as the company's cereals, with the slogan, "A scent for every member of the family!" and hopes to be up and running by November 2010 for the holiday shopping season.

Malt-O-Meal Original
Here's a cologne for that salt-of-the-earth father who is always reminding you of the days when Malt-O-Meal factories didn't produce that "sugary crap." Created from our original fresh-baked Malt-O-Meal scent that first tickled the nose hairs of Minnesota residents 80 years ago, this timeless blend will bring you back to the good ol' days of farming and
the end of Cream of Wheat.

Blueberry Muffin-Top          
Still in search of a Mother's Day present? Blueberry Muffin-Top eau-de-cereales is the perfect gift for your most beloved heartland matron. Based on our timeless blend of berries and warm bakery aromas, this oven-fresh perfume will take you back to the days of after-school cookies and the taut elastic waistband of your mom's  favorite jeans.

Scurvy SweetheartCrafted from our original Marshmallow Mateys scent, Scurvy Sweetheart is the perfect match
for the saucy swashbuckler in your family. With a blend of syrupy cane sugar and organic honey, this fragrance is sure to crack your sweet tooth and make you say "Arr!"

Tootie Frootie
Your favorite colorful uncle will love our Tootie Frootie tropical musk! This bright blend of strawberry, blueberry and boysen-berry, inspired by our Tootie Frooties cereal, will keep you cha-cha-ing long after leaving the breakfast table.

Mini Spooner Romance
Looking for a way to further smother your future spouse with attention? Share a spritz of MiniSpooner Romance (for him AND her) together. Safely fitted within official abstinence guidelines, passionately frosted Mini Spooner Romance is the perfect scent to bind your special relationship ever tighter.
 

"Editor's note: this article appeared in the April 30, 2010 satire issue of the Messenger."