Campus Digest

Senior couple neither breaks up nor gets engaged by graduation

Anna Anderson '10 and Olaf Olafson '10 revealed this past Monday that, despite the fact that they've been dating since October of their junior year, they will neither be breaking up nor getting engaged after graduation.

"We're just really happy right where we are, you know?" Olafson said. "I don't want to screw up a good thing."

Anderson agreed, saying that, although the couple was in love, they weren't sure if they wanted to take the next step.

"We're young! We just want to stay together and see where this goes after we leave Olaf," she said.

Their fellow classmates, however, are mystified at the pair's decision.

"It's called ring by spring for a reason," Johanna Johnson '10 said. "It's not called ‘ring by whenever the f*** we want.'"

Efficiency in the Pause

Last week, Jason Teiken '10 had the late night munchies and decided to make the arduous trek from Ytterboe to the Pause to get a morsel of food. He gathered together his comrades so he would not have to eat alone

"Whenever I go to the Pause, I expect between a 20- to 30-minute wait for my food, but not this time," Teiken said. "I ordered my pizza bagel with onion and pineapple and it materialized five minutes later."

"We were all shocked," said Peter Holt '10, a podmate of Teiken. "I ordered a soda to help keep me awake while studying tonight. The Pause worker turned around, grabbed it, and gave it to me. It usually takes 10 minutes!"

Teiken, Holt and friends were amazed at the fast-paced atmosphere of the Pause and the level of service they found.

"I stopped coming during Interim because I couldn't take the wait," Teiken said. "But this is amazing. I'll be back tomorrow."

But when the members of Pod 312 returned the next day, they found, to their dismay, that the service had returned to its original pace.

"What happened?" Holt said.

Fellow pod member and physics major Karl Lapo '11 explained that the behavior of the Pause workers had probably been altered due to a solar flare. Lapo noted that scientists are unable to explain what happens to some electronics, behavior of animals, and now, apparently, student workers in a late night fast-food joint.

"Karl, that doesn't make any sense," Collins said. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"It's sad it couldn't last longer," Holt said. "But I guess it's not that big of a deal."

After debating for a couple of minutes, the pod ordered a broccoli and anchovie pizza and waited 45 minutes before getting their meal.

Public Safety invited to house party
   
On Friday, April 23, Officer John Phelps and his partner Hutch were invited to the party at Blue House. 

"We were quite shocked when we got the text invite," Phelps said. "But like the text said, ‘since you dudes will end up here anyways at some point in the night, might as well get yourselves to Blue House early and have some fun!'"

The officers arrived fashionably late after reporting to an incident at the house of President David R. Anderson ‘74 in which he locked himself and his wife out of the house with the bathtub water still running.

"When the officers arrived, everyone got kinda quiet,"  Scott Thorshein '11 said.  "No one was really sure what was going to happen."

After checking IDs, the officers stood in line for the beer bong and proceeded to get schwasted.

When the officers finally did bust the party at promptly 1:34 a.m., they seemed reluctant to leave until their new friends texted them the location of the after-party. 

"I've got no hard feelings towards the guys, especially Officer Phelps. Phelps, or ‘P-Diddy' as he demanded to be called that night, set the record for chugging," Michael Crunk '10 said. "His form and technique were so perfect, I really feel I learned a lot just from watching him."

"Editor's note: this article appeared in the April 30, 2010 satire issue of the Messenger."