Cramped Kildahl converted to triples

Originally designed to be a senior dorm consisting solely of singles, Kildahl has been serving as one of the first-year Great Conversation dorms, made up of doubles, for a few years now. As of the 2010-2011 school year, its rooms will be converted to triples.

"As you know, St. Olaf is experiencing something of a housing crunch. We have more worthy students than spaces to fit them," Director of Residence Life Pamela McDowell said on Monday. "We're just trying to make the college more inclusive."

"This is really just about letting as many students experience St. Olaf as possible!"

Why the school chose Kildahl, an infamously cramped dorm already, as the residence hall to add students to is unclear, but preliminary reports say it might have to do with Dean Kneser's bad experience dating a girl from the second floor his sophomore year.

When asked to comment, he just shook his head and began to weep quietly to himself. In related news, McDowell is buying a new Ferrari, black with red racing stripes.

"Editor's note: this article appeared in the April 30, 2010 satire issue of the Messenger."