On April 20, the Student Government Association Senate passed a resolution developed by its Transportation Committee urging the college to adopt more fair and more efficient parking policies. While some applauded the resolution as forward-thinking and proactive, we feel that it was entirely unnecessary.
I’m here with a couple of demands, you liberal arts weaklings. Thanks to this college and its continued besmirching of my royal name, ordinary children across the world will continue to associate St. Olaf with farm-loving, peaceful children of the world who have problems with passive-aggression.
We are LARPers and it has come to our attention that many of you do not take what we do seriously. You see us walking around campus wearing pop-can top chainmail, throwing spell pouches at each other behind Larson and beating each other up with foam swords outside Hilleboe.
Room draw is over, yet there are a lot of discontented students moping around campus.
Something strange has been going on at the Mess office. Over the course of the year, I’ve noticed articles about BORSC and Honor Council disappear from the Mess whiteboard with no explanation, almost as if someone were trying to keep something out of the papers.
St Olaf’s residence hall pet policy is severely limiting. At the moment, my choices for pets include fish and more fish. The main functions of a pet are companionship and protection; fish don’t really fulfill either. I need a pet that is practical and unforgettable, which is why I think St. Olaf should extend its pet policy to include dinosaurs.
Sex. Violence. Choir music. These are all subjects we are unafraid to talk about here at St. Olaf. Yet, there are other taboo subjects lurking in the underbelly of the St. Olaf campus.
and 
