A recent upset in an early morning softball game between the St. Olaf Choir and the St. Olaf Band led to a riot in the music library yesterday afternoon. At Tuesday's 7 a.m. game, the Choir, which had previously failed to win a single game, triumphed over the formerly undefeated St. Olaf Band in a spectacular 57-3 win.
In a surprising turn of events, all 75 choir members turned out at 6:30 a.m. and began to intimidate the 12 participating members of the band with their pristine uniforms, cool sunglasses and chipper nature. In the end, the choir annihilated the band with their beauty of sound.
At the close of the game, it appeared as if all was normal between band and choir members. However, as word spread throughout the ensembles and across campus that the infallible bandies lost to the lalas, the embarrassment and anger grew. Yesterday, the tension climaxed into an all-out brawl in the music library.
According to witnesses, choir co-captain Paul Henderson '11 made a remark to library worker Heather Eikenbary '12 that the band's dismal performance on the softball field would go down in history. Incensed by this comment, band member Joe Sferra '11 lunged at Henderson and began to assault him. At the sound of the commotion, nearly all band and choir members joined in the fight, knocking down bookshelves and computer stations throughout the library.
"It was absolute chaos," said eyewitness and president of Cantorei Clayton Smith '10. "Punches were flying wildly through both ensembles."
When informed of the riot, conductors Anton Armstrong and Tim Mahr, of the St. Olaf Choir and Band, respectively, came running into the library and joined the fight.
Cleanup of the music library will begin sometime this weekend. Until then, the library is closed to all students. As for the band and choir members present for the massacre, they will have their library privileges revoked permanently and are all being forced to eat dinner together until the contempt diminishes.
"Editor's note: this article appeared in the April 30, 2010 satire issue of the Messenger."
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