Best G-rated sports insults of all time

The world of sports is an interesting place. It is full of athletes with incredible physical abilities that we marvel at on a daily basis. They provide millions of people around the world with entertainment every day. Yet sometimes, it isn’t their athletic capabilities that we marvel at. Athletes’ trash talk can be far more newsworthy. So without further ado, here is my list of the greatest sports insults in history:

“When I retire, I’ll get Ricky Hatton to wash my clothes and cut my lawn and buckle my shoes. Ricky Hatton ain’t nothing but a fat man. I’m going to punch him in his beer belly. He ain’t good enough to be my sparring partner.”– Floyd Mayweather

Mayweather took a few swings at his opponent Hatton shortly before their fight. Mayweather managed to back up his trash talk, although it was a tough battle over ten rounds, stretching his winning streak to 39 fights.

“There’s no way you are good enough to play for England.” – Mark Waugh

“Maybe not, but at least I’m the best cricketer in my family.” – James Ormond

Ormond, a fast bowler for the English cricket team, quickly fired back at Australian player Mark Waugh on his debut for England. Waugh’s brother Steve captained the Aussies.

“We’re going to beat Kansas at home. We’re going to beat them in their house. We’re going to beat them in Africa. Wherever we play, we’re going to beat them.” – Michael Beasley

Beasley boasted loudly after Kansas State beat Kansas for the first time in over 20 years in 2008. Unfortunately for Beasley, his Wildcats were unable to overcome Kansas in the return match.

“If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn’t the same as the one I was wearing, I’d run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother.” – Bo Jackson

You can sense the passion in the running back’s words. Nothing else needs to be said.

“After the fight I’m gonna build myself a pretty home and use him as a bearskin rug. Liston even smells like a bear. I’m gonna give him to the local zoo after I whup him.” – Muhammed Ali

Ali proceeded to destroy Sonny “The Big Bear” Liston. He became the youngest boxer age 22 ever to take the title from a reigning world heavyweight champion.

“Kentucky has a heck of a punter, I know that.” – Steve Spurrier

South Carolina’s coach took a light-hearted jab at Kentucky, just after his team destroyed Kentucky 54-3 in 2011.

“If he calls that number, I’ll be sure to pick up after the fifth ring.” – Kobe Bryant

President Barack Obama, a diehard Bulls fan, told Bryant that Derrick Rose may have his number. Bryant didn’t miss a beat, embracing his 2010 championship victory with some swagger.

“I thought it was funny. They got excited. It’s good. Sometimes you get your little brother excited when you’re playing basketball and you let him get the lead. Then you come back and take it from him.”– Mike Hart

Hart, playing for Michigan, enjoyed victory after his team rallied from a 10-point deficit in the fourth quarter. He was asked about the “surprising” outcome and didn’t hesitate to respond.

So there you have it – some of the greatest sports insults of all time. It’s nice to have some undeniable, tangible evidence that athletes aren’t all brawn all the time.

nolans@stolaf.edu

Graphic Credit: ERIN KNADLER/MANITOU MESSENGER

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