There is an epidemic in this country: bandwagon fans. They are found in every town and city across the nation. Their evil practice of shifting loyalty to the team with the most success is seeping into our schools and taking hold of our younglings, and before we know it, a new offspring of bandwagon fans will emerge, eager to spread their evil to the far corners of the world.
As a loyal fan of Norwich City F.C. (a team in England), the mere thought of bandwagon fans sets fire to my soul. Norwich City, a simple club nestled in the heart of East Anglia, is known for serving outstanding food at its games and selling horrendous jerseys each season. My loyalty, however, shall always remain with the Canaries, and this separates me from the disease that is the bandwagon fan. The teams I love never find success, do not have big name players and often find themselves at the mercy of ridicule and crude jokes meant to lower the self-esteem and pride of their fans. I love them nonetheless.
In contrast, the bandwagon fan thrives on the thrill of victory and the star players that make up winning teams. Bandwagon fans are naturally greedy and feed off the massive amounts of success that popular teams accumulate. Knowing little to no history about the team they have deemed worthy of their unending praise and adoration, bandwagon fans slowly begin worming their way into daily conversations about sports. I will now give a brief example of a sports conversation between a loyal fan and a bandwagon fan (imagine Boston accents):
“Hey Donny [Donny is a bandwagon fan who has recently discovered that the New England Patriots exist], did you catch the big game last night? Wasn’t Tom Brady amazing?” asks Peter.
“Yeah, Peter [Peter is a loyal fan of the New England Patriots], I love and adore Tom Brady, his goal in the second inning really captured the judges’ attention. I’d give him the gold medal for his multiple touchdowns! I just bought a signed basketball by him this morning!” blurts Donny.
“Hmmm, I question your allegiance Donny,” says Peter skeptically.
I am sure many readers have faced such a situation in their own lives, and I hope they have braved this hardship thrust upon them with courage and can continue their now dampened existence in peace. One can imagine a world without bandwagon fans – a world free of strife and war, where candy stores line every street and omelettes are served every single morning in the Caf.
But is there a way to stop bandwagon fans? Can the world rid itself of the ignorance of a culture that promotes bandwagonism? It seems like an impossible task, comparable to achieving light speed, catching all 151 original Pokémon or the St. Olaf football team winning more than one game in a season. Yet hope always remains and can be found inside each fan of mediocre to completely useless sports teams.
Bandwagon fans are a global problem, skeptics be damned, and they are a problem that could destroy the world and we all hold dear, including my beloved Norwich City F.C.