“Go back to your pig farm, you absolute corn gobbler!”
This is just one example of the verbal abuse I withstand everyday as an Iowan living in what many call the “great” state of Minnesota. I came to St. Olaf as a native Iowan with the belief that “Minnesota nice” was a legitimate phenomenon, but I was utterly and terri- bly wrong. Don’t mistake me, I love the St. Olaf community, but the constant ridicule and abuse I regularly take as an Iowan liv- ing abroad in a very foreign Minnesota has become unbearable. It is time that I take a stand against those who have brought about my greatest woes.
Just in case some of you reading this article are unfamiliar with the geography and culture of the Midwest (most likely those from the far coastal lands), Iowa borders Minnesota directly to the south. It is true, many Iowans happen to be farmers, and many of my ances- tors worked and tended the rich soil that blan- kets the countryside, but Iowa is much more than farmland. We happen to boast a pig to human ration of 3:1.
This might sound like a joke to many of you, but when the world begins to fall apart, every Iowan will be guaranteed three pigs whilst Minnesotans will be lucky to receive
one. I might well add that these Iowan pigs aren’t only great in abundance, but they are also great in size, easily outweighing their Minnesota brethren.
One can easily see the effect these differ- ences have on everyday life, especially here at St. Olaf. For example, back in Iowa, we never had bacon shortages, while the Caf seems
to run out of bacon every single morning. I won’t even get started on the corn to human ratio because there is no use comparing the corn production of Iowa to any other state, especially Minnesota, whose corn sadly lacks in both taste and aesthetic.
Now that I’ve successfully brought Minnesota down to Earth, hopefully I can convince many on campus to the put an end to the constant ridicule towards me and my fellow Iowans. I have come to the conclusion that Minnesotans’ hatred of Iowa comes from a deep rooted jealousy, instilled into them at an early age. I don’t blame them, as Iowans are not only highly knowledgeable, but those long and tiresome days working on the farm have turned us into physically stunning indi- viduals.
I didn’t come to Minnesota to criticize its people or to reveal its flaws, and I didn’t come so I could impose my Iowan values on others. If I had wanted to do that, I would have just gone to Wisconsin or Nebraska where the need is much greater. I came to Minnesota so I could show the people of this state that Iowans are not enemies, so that my broth- ers, sisters and I residing amongst the fields of maize will never be called “corn gobblers” again.