Home SatireNews PDA announces presidential campaign, to run on slogan of ‘Americans Can, Americans...

PDA announces presidential campaign, to run on slogan of ‘Americans Can, Americans Will

Thomas "Hardware" Hardy/Manitou Messenger

In a shock to the entire St. Olaf community, President David Anderson ’74 announced his departure from the College to take part in the 2020 presidential election.
Students, faculty and the Board of Regents gathered on the steps outside of Buntrock Commons as the College president stood to address the gathered crowd. Dressed in his typical suit and tie, Anderson delivered a rousing speech as his leadership team stood behind.

“Today, I have decided to announce my 2020 presidential campaign,” Anderson proclaimed. “I will be leaving St. Olaf effective immediately to pursue this next venture. I truly believe I have something greater to offer the people of this country. For, it is true, Americans Can, Americans Will.”

A gasp was heard across the Hill as the St. Olaf community received the news and collectively wondered what would happen next. The President’s Leadership Team attempted to conceal their surprise — however, the impact was very apparent.

“Witnessing this day has been monumental,” political science major Nick Nickelson ’20 said. “Although it will be a little strange to see him in New Hampshire. It’s not everyday that you get to see firsthand your school’s former president run in the primary.”

While the announcement came unplanned, Anderson gave hints through his Instagram account devoted to displaying his meals, David’s Plate. The page had become increasingly more political and patriotic, with several pictures devoted to McDonald’s value meals and buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken. The page will feature as Anderson’s primary forum for publicity.

In addition to ‘Americans Can, Americans Will,’ Anderson plans to run on a platform of diversity of thought, with the aim of creating a globally engaged community founded on traditional Norweigan-Lutheran values.

bermel1@stolaf.edu