Home SatireNews Rich roommate confuses dental floss for AirPod case

Rich roommate confuses dental floss for AirPod case

It’s no secret that privilege runs rampant on St. Olaf’s campus. While some students graciously acknowledge theirs, others remain blissfully unaware of their cushy upbringings. Recently, an instance involving the latter state of mind happened to Chase Reynolds ’20 when his roommate, economics major Will Awef ’20, confused the dental floss in Reynold’s bathroom tote for an AirPod case.

“At first I thought he was making a mean joke,” Reynolds said. “But when I realized he wasn’t, I felt surprisingly good about myself.”

Reynolds, who works three on-campus jobs to make half of his work award, has always been put off by his roommate’s ignorant attitude towards his wealthy status.

“He’ll walk into our room and toss his Macbook Pro right onto the floor,” Reynolds said. “It makes me angry. Some students can’t afford laptops, and he treats his like it’s an empty White Claw.”

Reynold’s frustration continued to grow until the fateful day when Awef questioned Reynolds on why he always leaves his AirPods in his bathroom tote.

“For the first time, I saw him genuinely concerned,” Reynolds said. “I was shocked. He never seems to care about anything, but he was actually lecturing me on the ethics of AirPod treatment.”

After explaining to Awef that the case in question contained minty floss and not a set of bourgeoisie earings, Reynolds realized something important.

“Even though I’ll never be rich and my student loans will follow me to the grave, at least I can relish in the fact that no matter what happens to me in this life, I will never be humbled in such an embarrassing way.”

Great attitude, Chase! However, despite Reynolds’ depressing optimism, Awef seemed unfazed by the event.

“Yeah, he immediately went back to his apathetic self,” Reynolds said. “In fact, he accidentally sneezed on his Apple Watch, so he threw it away and ordered another one online.”

madden4@stolaf.edu