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Satire: Shocking! KSTO radio show gets more than 10 listeners

Anna Banana Weimholt/Manitou Messenger

For the first time ever, KSTO Sunday afternoon radio show host Brett Langston ’20 announced on live radio that he finally hit 13 active listeners. He told reporters later that he had been hosting his show titled “Happenings on the Hill” since his first year, but when he started he never anticipated such tremendous success.

“I haven’t been this excited since my show passed five listeners last week,” said a sweaty-palmed, adrenaline-filled Langston who is beyond titillated that his voice has reached the eardrums of so many people.

He attributes this exponential growth to his KSTO show’s shift in focus from news to conspiracy theories. Relying less on facts and more on aggressive, extremist rhetoric has caught the attention of students and helped strengthen his following.

“I listened to his show once a couple years ago after weeks of Brett begging me to, and it was so boring,” Sophie Palmer ’20, longtime friend of Langston said. “He stuttered constantly and the mic would cut out every few minutes – he clearly had no idea what he was doing,”

“Now he confidently yells into the mic about things Oles deserve to know,” Palmer said. “Like his segment on how half of the student body are really holograms designed to show up to events the After Dark Committee puts on. That’s some real s***.”

With his newfound fame, Langston wishes to expand his outreach beyond campus and to the Northfield community. Although his goal is to reach 15 listeners by the end of next Sunday’s show, the KSTO executive team remains skeptical.

nizhny1@stolad.edu