Home SatireSports St. Thomas joins NFC North

St. Thomas joins NFC North

This past weekend, the fate of the St. Thomas University football program was finally announced. In an unsurprising move, the previously decided upon plan to move the program from the MIAC to Division I college football has been scrapped by the board of directors. Following a deal being struck with the NFL, the St. Thomas Tommies will officially join the Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings, Detroit Lions and Chicago Bears as the fifth team in the NFC North.

“We believe this to be the next logical step in our program’s progression,” said the St. Thomas athletic director. “Ultimately, college football was just not good enough for the team. It wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the schools.”

When asked to gauge the team’s reaction to the move, head coach Andrew Warren was quoted as saying, “Oh yeah, me and the boys are fired up. We’ve been coasting for so long, the prospect of actually trying is really exciting. We anticipate similar results to previous seasons, because I mean let’s be real here, the quarterbacks in this league and especially our division are about as good as the ones we clobbered back in the MIAC.”
Reportedly, the Tomcats are already atop the NFL power rankings, having usurped the New England Patriots as favorites to take home the Lombardi trophy this coming February.

warren4@stolaf.edu