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Under Pressure

I wasn’t always like this
Or so I thought.
I can do this, I can do that
I thought to myself for so long
But when it is time to actually do it,
I discover I cannot,
And it is scary
Almost like I have just discovered that I do not know myself!
Maybe…
Now that the truth hits home,
I discover that the lining in uncertainty has led me to seek certainty,
Understanding to confusion
And wisdom to folly
I don’t get it yet,
Am I lazy or just passive?
This inability to step up…
This leader is now the best follower you could ever find
It is new to me,
So I don’t know how it might look on the outside.
Am I trying hard enough?
Am I trying at all?
What is trying?
Why won’t I go Nike and just do it?
Hard questions I ask
And I am not patient enought to wait for the answer
Or maybe I do not want to wait long enough to hear it
Or maybe I am scared that I know the answer
And they might have been right
“I have been working on it,” I say to myself