Author: Ben Pelegano

Natural Selection

In school they never teach you about

Homosapien natural selection.

Or about how in one lifetime

You better adapt or fall to

Survival of the fittest.

Evolution better bless you

With the correct phenotype

So you can advance.

Find a niche,

Because the one thing everyone hates

Is ecological variation.

Nice guys are endangered

Because compassion isn’t hereditary.

Smooth edges are common

Victims of sexual selection,

Which is why selective breeding results

In jaded offspring.

It’s a dog eat dog world,

Where, logically, the evolutionary trait

For survival is

Being a bitch.

If we lose sight of Eve’s thievery

How are we supposed to progress?

We arose from disobedience,

So bending the rules should come naturally, right?

To get to the top you have to teach yourself

To scrap the remnants of lesser beings

Off your shoes and onto the opposition.

Is it greed if you ask nicely?

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Proposed SGA Constitution changes put to the vote

Happily Ever After

What comes after The End? A café for coffee and small talk? We all cram into the Fairy Godmother’s two-door magical pumpkin, which is rotting from the inside out. Grumpy and Dopey are the only dwarves that file in, because apparently all the others decided it was time to get paid for their house cleaning.

The small conference room is depressingly decorated. The reunions seem to get worse every time. Where’s Belle? The Beast is over by the punch. Poor guy can’t seem to stand straight, drowning in liquid from his small silver bottle, trying to forget that Belle went back to Gaston.

Is it really happiness that comes after, “ever after?” Or is that just a narcotic for sleep-aid?

I see Maleficent decided to come, heard even she feels bad for sleeping beauty who went back to sleeping once “Prince” Phillip decided he wasn’t the marriage type.

Iago looks depressed. Been that way since the law caught up to Aladdin. Unfortunately Jasmine was left with a kid in each arm, while Genie’s hooked on Tinkerbell’s pixie dust, and Abu is peeking through one of these windows trying to catch a glimpse of what once was.

I probably shouldn’t have come. But I have to wait for her. I still have that glass slipper she left in my apartment two months ago. When John Smith asks me about Cinderella reality comes flooding back.

This isn’t a reunion. It’s a support group.

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Proposed SGA Constitution changes put to the vote